Anxiety Attacks.

I have throat cancer, I think,
I smoked some cigarettes,
Four maybe, in a week,
And I don't smoke.
That was weeks ago
I keep waking up,
In the middle of the night,
And I can't breathe,
Like the time you put your hands
Around my throat and squeezed,
Then you slapped my face, hard,
And I saw stars
I had never felt so alive before,
So close to the brink of death
I can feel it climbing into my brain,
Wrapping itself around,
Like a bittersweet nightshade,
It must have crept into my mouth
When I inhaled
It's arrow burned a path to my throat
Now it's suffocating me
With its tumorous tendrils
I'm paralysed
I need you to slap my face
So I can see stars,
So I can feel alive again,
Because right now it feels like
I'm dying.

2012 © LH

Birth of a Poet

Don't read my notebook I say,
I have nothing to hide..

But this is me, totally naked,
Spat out, raw, from a deep wound
Flailing, my lungs,
Taking their first breath,
A gulp, a high pitched scream,
And fat tears.
Little fists for hands
And screwed up face
Witnessing my birth,
My thoughts on paper,
In all this commotion,
Then words, delivered,
Like afterbirth.
Confessional poetry?
If I wanted to confess,
I'd visit a priest
Ten decades of the rosary
And I'll be saved!
No I bloody won't!
Confess to God? Where are you?
Where were you when I was on my knees,
In the darkness, pregnant with anguish,
Groping for my pen?

 2012 © LH

Arthritis

Why do you fail me?
Cadaverous claw,
Fourteen flaming phalanges,
A fire breathing Chimera,
Gnawing through bone
With your primitive saw. 

2012 © LH

The Stigma

I never knew you,
Half an inch, with webbed feet,
My lungs forming,
Yours, giving up

Buoyant in amniotic fluid,
Whilst you were drowning.
Silent.
Enveloped in darkness,
Both of us, with no voice.

You wrote her a letter
On paper, the colour of the moon,
Delicate white lace,
Her wedding dress,
Never worn. 

She held it,
Hands like nervous butterflies
Fearful a breeze would steal it from her
Unknowing,
She had already been robbed.

Then she carried it with her,
She carried me,
Carried the burden.
She was slowly drowning too.

A bastard child,
A shipwreck on the ocean floor,
Casualties of the war,
The three of us. 

2012 © LH

Loveblind

In our past lives
We passed as ghosts,
We briefly touched,

It left a mark
Invisible upon our skin,
Burrowed deep,

It scarred our hearts

Our eyes will search
The darkest vault,
Discover stars
That doth align

They'll burn our eyes
And leave us blind
Blinding love,

Immortal sign

Stumbling forth,
We query why
Compelling love

So long, suspended

We had but to
Open our eyes
Enlightened now

Our torture,ended.

2012 © LH

Mindfield

Grinding teeth, bleached white tombstones
Sleeping soldiers, lost in dreams
Buried deep, the caustic tongue
Whispers of a war beneath

Behind the poppy coloured lips
She masks an agonising pain
The copper taste and sanguine froth
Spill forth in conflict once again

Foaming as a rabid dog
The kindest cure, to take her life
Sleep with soldiers in their tombs
And flick the trigger switch to night

Dark tendrils stroke her war-torn head
Her tongue is silent in its grave
He stole her mind, her heart escaped
In the end that was all she gave.

2012 © LH

The Sycamore in Winter

Curious Corvids skirt beneath the cinereous clouds
A tumultuous wave of curling and swirling
In the crepuscular light they inhabit your bough
Rooted to the spot, scrutinized, analyzed

Disrobed and shivering, you reach out to me
I find you ugly, however, it's alluring
The guise of your sway,
When the light caresses your languid limbs,
For a brief moment, you appear radiant.

writerscafe
2012 © LH

The Parting.

To kiss your lips
And steal your breath
I swear will be
The death of me
To hold your stare
Whilst there before us
Others glare
Oblivious of the love
We share
To feel your fingers
Through my hair
A stray wisp
Pushed aside my face
And on my cheek
Your lips doth grace
As gentle as a feathers touch
Will surely be a feat too much
To see a smile purview your eyes
A sadness there that woe implies
To watch remorseful as you part
I stand forlorn with heavy heart.

2011 © LH


                                                   

Death Chooses You.

You don't get to choose death
Death chooses you
Unaware of it's approach
It skulks around you
It prowls like a predator
Sneaking through
The long grass
Sniffing the air
Waiting to pounce
It will choose it's moment
When it's good and ready
You don't get to choose death
It will choose you.

When you unscrew the lid
From your bottle of pills
Through tear filled eyes
And pop them into your mouth
Feel the rough glaze
And the toxic taste
That you think is death
Your body welcomes it
Then your stomach heaves
And you ride the white stallion
Through the city streets
Carried in the arms
Of a knight in shining armour
Then lie in a heap
Surrounded by machines
That continuously beep
You realise
You don't get to choose death
Death chooses you.

When you take a sharp razor
To your lily white flesh
And cut deep into your pulse
You think you can make it stop
Time seems to pause
But the hands on the clock
Continue to tick
Your heavy eyelids close
And the last thing you see
Is the knight with his shield
Its the end of the game
You awake wrapped in gauze
The wounds have healed
But you live with the shame
You don't get to choose death
Death chooses you.

You tie a rope good and strong
Pull it tight, it won't break
Put your head in the noose
The chafe of the twine
Around your neck
Stick to the deadline
Then sudden clarity
You want to live
The rope has no give
The chair you balance on
Starts to wobble
And topple
Your arms flap in the air
This is what it feels like to fly
Your feet slip from the edge
And they don't touch the ground
The knights stallion is black
And you climb on the back
You don't get to choose Life
Death chose you.

WritersCafe
2011 © LH

Letting Go.

Remaining
In this secluded corner
Regretfulness
Upon your face

Too copious
For me
To undertake

Feast upon the Devil's cake
Claw your flesh until you bleed
When your heart no longer aches
When you've satisfied your needs

Epiphany
The dawning blow
Precedance
The desire to know

I loved
And so, I let you go.

2011 © LH